Second Blog, in which nothing much has happened, I got my nails done, and someone convinces me to break out of my comfort zone

Hello again!

Well, in the last few days other than more than my share of personal drama, nothing much has happened. I did go to roller derby on Thursday night and I have to say, I think I was put in my place a little bit. I have been thinking that I've been doing quite well these last few scrimmages, but this week I felt like I hit a wall. Sort of literally. I have gotten to be a sort of fast jammer, which has been getting me through the jams ok, but my skills as a blocker have been weighed, measured, and found Wanton... as in she found me and knocked me the hell down. I just can't get past her, or any of the other even decently good blockers. I get up against someone willing to hit me and I just go down. It seems like I need to work on staying solid on my skates but also on my confidence to hit back. The answer, practice practice practice. And derby stance. Cuz that seems to be the answer to most things. Tits over knees over toes. Its amazing how quickly we forget the basics when we move ahead.
I have so much fun when I'm jammer, skating fast and scoring points and maneuvering around the other skaters... but I know that I need to improve my blocking skills to become a good jammer. A jammer who falls down with the slightest hit is no good. And a jammer who spends half of the jams in the penalty box (read: back blocking) is not only no good, but a liability. So I need to learn to bend my knees, stay low and compact, and really focus on improving my dexterity on the track. No small task, but at least I know what I need to improve. P.S. My exploded knee didn't actually seem to get in the way much, but I was hella sore the next day.

Also, in preparation for the advance screening of Captain America on Wednesday, I got my nails done blue and white. I did green with green glitter for Green Lantern, so I figure, this is a thing now. I have other themes for other super heros in mind, and if they have movies coming out I can coincide with the  release dates. Yes, I know. I'm a geek. And proud.

So I have this friend, right? And he's been telling me that I need to start doing fun stuff for myself that makes me happy. I mean, I do roller derby and that makes me happy... but apparently I need to do other stuff. Or so he says. So when he asked me what makes me happy and I replied, "I dunno, singing..." he said that I am now forced to do open mic night at a local coffee shop. In 6 days. So... yeah... I'm a little nervous but at the same time excited. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time, but I get so scared when I sing in front of small groups in an intimate setting. Its really going to test my chops. I think I'm going to sing Landslide by Fleetwood Mac if I can find someone to play it for me. Yeah, I know... Stevie Nicks isn't exactly kid stuff. The unlikely godmother of the goth scene is one of the musical heroines of her generation. So I better get it right. If I actually decide to go through with this I will post the where and when... hrm... where to find a guitarist...

And finally, I have been using most of my free time blazing through the first season of Torchwood. I am almost at the end of Season 1 and according to people who like that show too, I am in for something big at the end. I will make it there tonight (hopefully) so we shall see. At any rate, I am missing my Dr. Who and can't wait til Wednesday when Adam and I will get to delve in again. I am crossing my fingers that we finish season 3 by the end of the week. *Squee!* (P.S. If you know any Timelords, I could really use a few weeks leapfrogging through time. Just park the Tardis in the driveway and come up and ring the bell. Thanks!)

So I guess that's it... nothing much has really happened this week so far. Its been a little bit of a stressful week and I find myself analyzing things and really digging deep to try and reevaluate my feelings on life, love, religion, and happiness. A very wise old Jedi once said "Do or do not... there is no try." The words may seem harsh, especially to a whiny and impatient young Luke Skywalker. And while it seems difficult and maybe even unfair to boil all of life's experiences into two choices, its kind of true. Did you do it or didn't you? Column A or column B? You pick one or the other... but you can't have both. Or neither for that matter. So you either stay back entirely or you dive in with all you've got. I think the true meaning of Hell may be those few instances in our lives where we just sit... simmering in our lives like a damning pot of soup. Just sitting... just being ok... just being fine. And according to a particularly inspiring Switchfoot song that has gotten me through some of the hardest moments of my life, "When I wake in the morning, I want to blow into pieces, I want more than just ok. More than fine, more than bent on getting by, more than fine, more than just ok." So I guess that's why I let myself get dragged into doing this open mic thing. And I guess that's why every couple of years or so I give myself a wake up call that I've settled into a routine and I need to get out. And hopefully we can all resolve to be more than just "ok". For ourselves and for our loved ones and for the force that created this world and our lives. And for the Force its self actually. Cuz you never know when a Dalek invasion will hit or a Klingon warship will blow up the earth or an Imperial superweapon will use us as a pawn in an attempt to glean strategic information from Rebel forces. I'm just saying... do you really wanna be stuck at your dead end job with your finger up your nose when the Cybermen attack? I didn't think so. Go make your life spectacular. That's an order, soldier. Its amazing how quickly we forget the basics when we move ahead.